Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
