Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
