I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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