Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
