I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Operation Purity has been aborted
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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