someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
