The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
