im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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