saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
