Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
