You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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