Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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