He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
