Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
