her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
