I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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