Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
zippers are such a cool invention
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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