I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
