Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
