Taylor Swift is so right about you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
soo... how was my night?
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