I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
