Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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