I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She announced her abortion via fbk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
