she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize