Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
