??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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