Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
