Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
