we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
