Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize