accomplished twins. life is a go
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
