6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
