dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
