buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
