god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
