I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
