She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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