i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
