currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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