Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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