you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
