ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
