I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
