I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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