God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
