Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
