He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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