1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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