I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
