My Higher Power is John Stamos
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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