The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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