There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize