I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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