you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
