You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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