he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
