We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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