That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
