God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize