woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
