Screwed.edu
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
