im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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