Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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