I CAN MOONWALK!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
