I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
