Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
