there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
