Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
